angel is so bad & angel is so good. photoshoot today was miraculous, except when my butt got wet from sitting in the bathtub. life should always be like this, smoking cigarettes, playing dress up, taking photographs and watching bad science fiction television. i do miss smith, but i'm kind of really digging hanging out with lauren, kels and rachael everyday (christine, come back). my sense of style has completely transformed into that of a homeless man, fortunately it will fit in @ smith perfectly. i'm going to go play with fabric paint some more. watch out, upstate new york, here i come. oh my god i still really need to clean my room.

i can't stop watching fantasy movies/television shows. what does this say about me? can i not accept reality? probably not. it feels so amazing to do absolutely nothing. i can't seem to clean my room, i just keep organizing things which makes a bigger amount of clutter. multiple photo shoots tomorrow, it is my favorite thing to do. stop being such a brat and show more love to those who deserve it. it's time to go back to iceland, it has been far too long. i need to finish my slide lamp and i need to clean my camera because it is dirty. it feels like smith doesn't exist, it is weird.

I HATE HER MORE THAN ANYTHING.

if i have to see her face i'm going to vomit (harhar)

leave

keep on climbing that ladder baby, i hope that you enjoy the view from the top.

i will never be able to adequatly express my immense love for this man, never.

women bodybuilders oddly fascinate me. i think that i want to go to one of their competitions. i feel like alice in wonderland in my house, in the scene when she eats the cookies and becomes too big. i am not used to these short ceilings. i am glad to see that none of my andover loves have greatly changed. i need to visit lauren in nyc though, it must happen. i wish that i could interchange northampton with new york, but that seems pretty much impossible. i have four squirrel tails that i need to make into earrings. glen hansard and marketa irglova sounded beautiful tonight. i think thats she was too shy and that he was too drunk, but it's okay. i think that i am going to watch the tom tykwer short from paris je t'aime again right now. i want to fall in love with a blind french man, gaspard ulliel or even natalie portman would do. i'm tired. tomorrow i will consume massive amounts of food.

aujourd'hui, j'ai souri à l'intérieur. and today i ate a sandwich that tasted quite good, there was apple and cheese and prosciutto on it. but there was a hair in my cappuccino and that was not so nice. spending more time with people that i usually spend less time with is nice and i want to spend more time with them now. i am really busy but it is okay and now i need to edit my paper that i wrote in english and then in french and i can't wait for it to be over with. i want to see christine, she is the only one of my favorite people from andover who i have yet to see this fall and that isn't fair. i hope fraser stables likes me photographs tomorrow, otherwise i will be sad.

relax and stop worrying please. paranoia/pointless jealousy never got anyone anywhere. look on the bright side. there are too many positives right now to focus on the little negatives. i don't want to become that person. selfish and self-obsessed and needy.

in other news, beautiful things are lacking in my life. let's go take some pictures. sunday in amherst? okay.

welcome, ghosts.

i must endure approximately 18 hours of french class and then i am done forever. wow i can't wait. i think that i want to move to los angeles and play other people's music to strangers in clubs and watch them dance. i think that i would like that. i need to learn how to dj for real though not just sit hunched over my computer making playlists with justice and uffie and men who dress like robots. my back hurts from doing this and i need to learn how to ride a bike again or maybe acquire some leg/body strength. i think that i need to start photographing people again. i want a wall in a room where i will live one day to be covered in photographs of many different things because i like to look at them and remember the day that i took them and who i talked to and where i was. and right about now i wish that i was sitting on top of a mountain, but one that has grass, so maybe just a big hill, somewhere in norway or iceland looking at fjords even though i don't know what they are but i like the way the word sounds. and i could just listen to the wind howling and i would be wearing a sweater and it would have animals knitted into it and i could feel so small next to things that are so big.

smith college, you are quite the place to be and all i want to do is dance.